just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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