Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
