I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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