I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
