I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
