just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
