I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize