some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i drank out of a bidet.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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