I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
