Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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