Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
