Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
fuck your aforementioned shoe
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
