just come out here and I will go home with you...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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