I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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