Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I need a beard to bite.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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