my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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