just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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