you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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