If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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