somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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