Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
