so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
