ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
