Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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