oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize