Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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