btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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