I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
