Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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