Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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