I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
