i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
