Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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