bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
