He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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