I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
