We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I understand Curling. That high.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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