I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've blown a few things in my day
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
