We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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