She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
