Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
