Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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