I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
