Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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