How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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