haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
