Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
