All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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