Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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