Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
