the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
