Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
