So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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