my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize