Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
