toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
