ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
