I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
how does that bad decision feel?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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