her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
