I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
