Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
