I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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