Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
