the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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