Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
