Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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