Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
