I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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