No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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