can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
