The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
