i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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