textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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