i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
