i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize