You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
