maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
