Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
