yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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