I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
